The Game Is Playing Your Kid by Joe Dilley

You can imagine the many ways we might apply a broad analogy like this one to help you determine how to help your child or teen manage their tech use. A campfire that’s contained and supervised still carries risks, but its benefits, under those circumstances, outweigh them. A forest fire is dangerous because it’s out of control and destructive. How do we keep fire in those manifestations safe enough to be worth encountering the inherent risks? We do so by setting limits on the intensity and scope of the fire. Certainly, we cook or use a fireplace or roast marshmallows over a campfire.

So I’m not going to banish tech from my house the same way I have outlawed cigarettes.” But to broaden the analogy, thereby approaching a more specific resolution to the dilemma, let’s consider the element of fire in some of its other forms. Is tech as ostensibly bad for us as, say, cigarettes? Well that simplifies things pretty quickly: Most of us would answer, “No, it’s not.

Do you think the following dilemmas are red herrings, or might they carry red flags? Could it be both?ĭilemma #1: Is technology inherently bad for the brain? Maybe I should just tell my kid to steer clear of it. So interpret the considerations in this post as exactly that, rather than as recommendations or advice. Of course, every situation is unique and embedded in a variety of circumstances. The purpose of this post is to help parents determine whether they’re dealing with a red herring or a situation that might involve a red flag. Conclusions like, “I don’t think I need to monitor what my kid is doing online,” may prove premature. Second, and in contrast, parents may appraise something as benign when in reality, it might carry a red flag. Questions like, “What if my kid is a screen addict?” tend to make the kid the problem, thus pre-empting an investigation of the greater context that offers clues about the real problem. First, out of understandable anxiety about their child’s wellbeing, they inadvertently investigate a false lead or “red herring” that doesn’t really get them anywhere. These concerns typically involve academics, relationships, and, for the past several years, issues related to family screen time and use of technology in the home.Īll too often, parents fall into one of two common traps while establishing balanced tech use in the home. Clarifying Gray Areas in Family Tech Use: Separating Red Herrings from Red FlagsĪs a clinical psychologist, I have the privilege and challenge of helping families communicate about and problem solve a myriad of concerns.

The Game Is Playing Your Kid by Joe Dilley